I am in the early stages of my recovery and have a long way to go before my nutrition and calorific intake are healthy. I’m still on 660 calories and the photo is of my food intake for today. I have ciabatta with either peanut butter or marmite every day, and have done for months. Each time I’ve increased my calories I’ve added cookies, belvita or nature valley (low bulk with higher calories and easier to cut/split so that I don’t go over my calories).
These are foods that I feel safe with and any consideration of eating something different leaves me feeling unsafe.
Going away from home is risky when it comes to eating disorders. I have a very rigid routine at home. I eat at 5.15 pm and watch an episode of pointless and then an episode of a box set while I’m eating.
My holiday means that I can’t be certain I’ll be able to eat at the same time, I won’t be able to sit down and watch those shows as I will be out, and I won’t get the ciabatta with peanut butter or marmite. My default mode when I feel unsafe is to not eat. I don’t ever feel hungry so not eating is easy, but it’s also what’s had me hospitalised on three previous occasions.
I’ve spent three days discussing this on the phone with my friend N. My plan is:-
A) Prawn sandwich (340-360 Cal) topped up to 660 with cookies.
B) London is a big city and there will be loads of places which will sell low-calorie Panini or wraps.
C) I’ve packed my cookies already, so if I don’t feel safe with A or B then just have 660 cals of cookies.
I’ve booked two shows today. I’m off to see The Book of Mormon and also The Jungle, which has a narrative based upon life at the former refugee camp known as The Jungle in Calais.
On Monday I’m going to try to get tickets to attend two different football matches. Although I’ve planned trips to museums, formal gardens, nature reserves/zoo, galleries and meeting people, I’m not paying in advance as I’d like some flexibility.
I’m going to add a travel category and upload little bits and pieces when I can. This little guy wants his photo taken every day.
If you have, or think that you may have an eating disorder and need help then talk with someone who you trust, and see if they will support you to see your Dr.
Most countries have eating disorder charities which provide support, information and resources. Help is available and recovery is possible.