Anorexia Recovery? Update

My recovery from anorexia and bulimia is sometimes frustrating. With the aid of my nutritionist I am now eating. I’m eating healthier than I ever have done, and I enjoy it. But I’ve put on weight and I have that voice in my head calling me fat and disgusting. Despite this I binged last night.

I won’t compensate, I won’t purge, I’ll follow what I’m meant to eat today.

My eating disorder is not about food. It’s a symptom of my desire and need for control because I find life scary, intolerable at times. I want to change how I feel. Recovery is scary because my feelings come back, because my powerlessness over life comes back.

I will keep plodding on despite being scared. Despite my ups and downs. Two steps forwards and one step back is still a step forward.

10 Replies to “Anorexia Recovery? Update”

  1. Absolutely. I suppose what you learn when you start eating ‘normally’ is that normal eating involves occasional over-eating. Normal eaters over-eat quite regularly. It doesn’t matter that much. It doesn’t mean that you’ve fallen off the wagon, you’ve just done something everyone does, and you don’t need to berate yourself or over-compensate.

    Liked by 1 person

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