I do experience bouts of intense paranoia, but I don’t believe that I have 2,000 people following me along the streets.
However, my blog now has over 2,000 followers, and for that I am most grateful. I like my blog, its a space for my photography, art and studies, and it is also an arena in which I share openly about my life. Sometimes deciding what to post and what to keep private can be quite challenging, especially when life is almost unbareable.
But I get there, and I also share my joys and successes. I feel able to be open about my achievements and to share my strengths as well. I’ve learned that it’s important to speak just as much about the good things and the outcomes of which I’m proud of, as it is to share my challenges. Often in life we are told that it’s arrogant to say “I did that well” or “I’m good at this”. It’s not arrogant at all, speaking of our successes is good for our mental health. World class sports people publicly analyse their strengths and weaknesses, and I believe its the right thing for all of us to do. To do otherwise is to hold a hammer of shame over all that we are good at.
This year has been a bit of a shit storm in some ways, with trying to end my life and its ongoing consequences, but it’s also had many positives for me. Moving to London, completing Foundations in Photography, starting the London Regional OCA group with B and H, and also meeting up with new people.
My suicide attempt has taken a lot out of me, I still have many medical appointments to attend. I’ve also found it hard to go out with my camera due to exhaustion, anxiety, paranoia, medical appointments, and now I’m walking with a crutch (one of the pressure sore’s is not healing properly).
But a big thanks to S.A who sent me a message yesterday to encourage me to go out with my camera. I did so today. I haven’t processed these as yet, so the photos in this post were taken on my Huawei P20 Pro.
Thankyou all for following my blog, and supporting and engaging with me. Your support has helped so much recently. Love and hugs xxxx🌸🤗😘
Just a few shots of London.
It’s leading lines, pattern and angles today.
Sorry for the lack of blog posts or comments recently. I’ve been in hospital for nearly three weeks. I’m getting better slowly, and I have to say that on the whole, the hospital and its staff have been wonderful. It’s one of the better stays that I’ve had in hospital, and I think the staff are doing an incredible job.
Ive been out of it for the past 3 weeks, but slowly coming around and gaining the desire for photography. Here’s a couple to be getting on with.
Another morning where I woke Richard up early. Our day started at 2.30 am, oops and ha ha ha.
We went over to Vauxhall because there was meant to be a 24 hour Tesco where Richard could buy a “safe food”, it’s a Polish chocolate and coconut sweet. It wasn’t 24 hours!
On the subject of his anorexia I’m feeling most impressed with him. He’s stuck with his meal plan to the letter, a bit late most days but he’s done it. How cool is that? The downside is that with carrying his laptop, camera and lenses his back is now in so much pain. He struggled yesterday and I felt guilt for not carrying his bag, even though he wouldn’t let me.
We went to the Chelsea Physic Garden, nice play but too many plants, trees and shrubs for my liking. I wanted to see more flowers, they have more insects.
Some lovely chilli peppers though. Bring on the heat.
Another bloody Rhino near the Saatchi gallery. Feels like I’m on a damn Safari. Richard was happy though as he was able to fulfill his book addiction. There’s a Taschen bookshop outside of the Saatchi and he’s brought Salgado’s Genesis. I’ve never seen a book so large, I could fit into it a million times, so he’s asked the shop to post it to him. I’m so impressed with them.
I forgot, on the way back to Sloane Square we discovered the National Army Museum. Had a drink with my buddies (any veteran or person serving in the forces is a pal).
After Taschen Richard was in so much pain that we went to sit down near the theatre he was going in the evening, and we accidentally found Trafalgar Square. The most amazing thing was that despite so many, many people there’s also lots of space. The second best thing is how pretty the surrounding square and architecture is. Another effing Rhino. I say that but I like what Tusk are doing to raise awareness of, educate about and protect rhinos throughout Africa. Check them out here.
Richard then went off to see Jungle at the Playhouse Theatre, it’s about the former refuge camp at Calais, the complex relationships between people of different races and nationalities, the abysmal living conditions and the refugees resilience and ability to create a community, the complete and disgusting failure of the United Nations, the EU, The French and British Governments, and the West’s racist and self centred failure to protect and provide. A bit too much for me, and I’d secretly planned to go to the pub with me mates from the Army Museum. I didn’t drink as much so I’m feeling good day. Flowers at Kew Gardens is on the agenda.