Making My Kitchen More Condusive To Having A Healthy Relationship With Food

As well as getting rid of the foods I had hoarded, I have been cleaning my kitchen. On Tuesday I cleaned my cooker.


Then yesterday I cleared out and cleaned the fridge and freezer. I hadn’t done so for over a year.


Today I have cleared and cleaned the surfaces, draws and all crockery and utensils. Everything now has a place.


Tomorrow I will be cleaning the floor and hoovering the rest of the house. Despite living in it, I cannot believe what a shit tip I had left the kitchen in.

I have a very poor relationship with food, and I know that in order to recover my eating will change over the next few months. That’s going to be a whole lot easier to reinforce if my kitchen promotes a positive attitude towards food. I’m also going to wash my cup and plates up each time that I use them.

Do You Know Of, Or Are You An Eating Disorders Dietician? – First Day Of Recovery From My Eating Disorder

Firstly, I am looking for an eating disorders dietician who is willing to work over Skype. I had a look on google for dietitians in the UK and they were well beyond what I can afford. I have a contact page, so please feel free to contact me if you are in a position to help or point me in the right direction.

Secondly, today has been a big day for me. As far as I am concerned it is the first day of my recovery from Anorexia. Today I have sorted through and got rid of the food that I had hoarded from October last year til April this year.

It’s common for people to obsess about food when they have been lacking the food that they need to survive, and this is a common experience for people with Anorexia Nervosa. Hoarding food that isn’t going to be eaten is also a common experience.

I knew that I needed to get rid of it, and I also knew that it was hidden all over the house But it has shocked me just how much there was. I will be donating it to a local food-bank, and I have also taken some to one of my neighbours.

I had such a strong emotional attachment to my hoard. Before I have let friends visit or stay over, I have made it clear that the house is full of food and they are not to touch it. One friend has been encouraging me to get rid of it for ages, but I haven’t been able too, the thought of doing so has been terrifying.

Today there were some foods that I really didn’t want to let go of. I had to go through the pile that I was going to keep repeatedly so that I let go of foods that I didn’t need. There are a few things that I will genuinely use as snacks, so I have kept them, but it took a long time to get rid of the stuff that would never be a genuine snack. Some of the things that I was trying to justify keeping, but there is no such thing as half recovery, they had to go.

I have made videos as I have gone along, its part of the record of my journey, my illness and, fingers crossed, my recovery. I have received so much support from my peers, who have become my friends, and also from many fellow bloggers. I thank you all deeply. The turning points have been the sudden decline in my health whilst on holiday in London, and a kind friend pointing me towards a twelve step fellowship which is specifically for people with anorexia and bulimia. There are also a couple of vlogs that I have been pointed too by people who are in recovery or recovered from anorexia. I will add links to them below the video.

I am so grateful for all of your support, and today, I am grateful for my willingness, courage and strength. I am so proud of myself that I bought myself a bunch of flowers. I honour my willingness, courage and strength.

I have also stuck to my meal plan for the past two days. Cant believe it. Its so good to have done that. But the food that I eat is not nutritious, but I am stuck with the fear of trying other foods, which is why I need a  dietician that specialises in eating disorders. I know how to eat healthy, but its needing someone to guide me through the fear and to take control of my eating plan.



Here are the links.

Megsy recovery

Tabitha Farrar

UK Based Eating Disorder Charities


Men Get Eating Disorders Too

Men and Boys Get Eating And Exercise Disorders Scotland

International Eating Disorder Charities

United States





The Minds Foundation



Peer Support groups

Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous

Smart Recovery

Over-Eaters Anonymous

Eating Disorders Anonymous



Toxic Shame

Toxic Shame is a mixed media video created in collaboration by several Open College of the Arts Students. We study in different genres of the creative arts. It has been a very enjoyable process which has required thinking out of the box to respond to the work of other members submissions, based upon the theme for the month.

Standard: When You Take Away My voice – Photo Video Featuring DJ’s From Mars

When You Take Away My Voice

When You Take Away My Voice


The photo-montage and photo video are my own work, and the music is provided by Dj’s From Mars. I am very grateful that they gave me permission to use their work. Thank you DJ’s From Mars.

You can check Dj’s From Mars on many platforms including:-


Featured On No Stigmas

No Stigmas is a mental health organisation who has the aim of helping people to develop peer to peer communities, to provide mutual support to others with mental health difficulties. They also provide training so that you can support your self as a self-advocate, and be part of strong peer networks.

Anyone with mental health problems can join and registration is straightforward.

As well as a little intro that I put together they linked to a poem that I wrote last year about talking myself back from a suicide attempt to reaching out for support. It can be seen here.

We are not alone if we have the courage to reach out for support.

A couple sitting on the steps of a church in Durham UK
Two pairs of friends. walking along #the street in Durham, near to the Castle and Cathedral.

No Stigmas

Random Act Of Kindness Award

A big thank you to Michelle from Mws R Writngs for nominating me for this award. I’m grateful for your support and the friendship that we have developed.

Choosing who to nominate is quite a challenge to be honest, because I feel that I have been shown so much kindness on WordPress and in life in general. I am also aware that many people who I could nominate do not have the time to accept the award by creating their own response. This is especially true of my peers from OCA, but their kindness, support and critique is valued immensely. So many other bloggers have also supported me with my photography and in relation to my eating disorder.

Em from From Famine To Feast has become a valuable source of support. having an eating disorder is challenging to say the least, and having support from somebody who is in eating disorder recovery is invaluable. Thank you for your kindness Em, I nominate you.

Kindness has been shown to me by so many people in a whole variety of ways over the years, and in writing this post it is nice to remember some of those people. The example that I am going to give is of a very simple and straightforward act of kindness. Kindness doesn’t need to be extravagant. A former work colleague (he didn’t know that I knew it was him) would leave a packet of sweets or fruit on a colleagues work station. He would do so when nobody could see him do it and he would leave a typed “Youve been RAK’ed” with the gift. As for me… I used to buy a pastry on a Friday morning on my way to a meeting. I would leave the change with the staff member in the bakers and ask them to use it to pay for the next person in the queue.

The guidelines for accepting the award are.

1- Tell who you nominate and why.

2= Copy and share the picture that shows the award, posted above.

3- Share  a paragraph of something that impacted your own life in the way of receiving kindness or how you extended kindness to someone else.

For instance, ” I once was waiting in a drive thru line for 20 minutes. I was in a hurry but the line did not move much, it felt like. My day was getting worse by the moment. When I got up to the drive thru window, the cashier said someone had paid for my meal already. That really made my day a lot better.”

4- Nominate anyone or share to your own page. If you so choose to Participate. Tag or pingback to the original person who nominated you, or the original post.

Copy the guidelines into your post.

Going Home Early

Sadly I am feeling unwell and have decided to go home early. Just at Kings Cross waiting for the train.

Action man has been a fun way to write a travel blog and he will return.


Deferring University – Preperation For Part Four, Still Life – Prep For London

Having been unable to find appropriate accommodation in the locale of Farnham I have deferred university until next year. A lot can happen in a year, so I am open-minded. I’m going to keep looking for a home swap, but I’m also happy to finish Foundations in Photography and then make a decision as to whether to take the photography degree with the Open College of the Arts, which is distant learning, or go to the University for the Creative Arts. There are advantages to both, but with my mental health as it is, then taking the degree with OCA has become my preferred option. Distant learning suits me, I can study part-time, have less pressure with deadlines, and not have the stress of moving. These are all protective factors for my mental health.

cofIs this still life?

I am shortly going to begin part four of Foundations in Photography, which is a section based upon still life. With the new medication that I am on and how it is affecting my energy, I decided not to begin part four until I return from London. However, I have been exploring thoughts, and making photos for my digital sketch book, which I hope to upload before I travel. We’ll wait and see. My aim is to read part four in the FiP manual, so that I can make the most of being in a new, dynamic environment, and begin to make photos, or at least test photos for the coursework whilst I am away.

IMG_20180805_101352.jpgIs this still life?

London, here I come. I am very excited about visiting London. My initial plan was for it to be for a few days. But I haven’t been too London as an adult. Yeah I have passed through it, and been to two football matches there, but I have never explored. I have activities planned, a few people to meet and an OCA study visit/field trip.

cofIs this still life?

Lots of wonderful opportunities for photography in different environments and with several genres, as well as museum and gallery visits, West End shows, football match, and nature. Lots and lots of nature, animals, birds, flowers, macro. I have Lightroom on my laptop now, so I may upload some photos as I go along, although my lap top is incredibly slow compared to my PC with its huge RAM.

cofIs this still life?

Consequently I am not going to be able to keep up with everyone’s blogs anywhere near as much as I would like to, but normal service will be resumed upon my return.

Sunshine Blogger Award

This is a photo of the logo for the Sunshine blogger award

 This is a photo of the logo for the Sunshine blogger award

I am really grateful to have been nominated for this award, although I don’t feel that I have been sunny on my blog recently. I was nominated by Mws R Writings. She has become an important person in my personal community, and I enjoy her poetry, which comes from the heart.

The guidelines for the Sunshine Blogger Award are:-

Thank your nominator.
Link or ping the post back to them.
Display the picture on your post.
Answer their questions.
Provide questions for the nominated people you choose.

The questions that Mws R has set for me are:-

1. What makes you cry?

This may sound bizarre but I cry when contestants do well on Strictly Come Dancing and the X Factor. More so on Strictly, because dance makes me very emotional. I also cry when people win on game shows.

2. What gives you joy?

Photography. It has become such an intense passion for me. Whether I am making conceptual photography, photographing people, events or birds I go into a zone, the moment, and connect with something greater than myself. Macro photography does this even more so.

3. What is your favorite book and why?

Tolkien’s The Lord pf the Rings Trilogy. I have read these so many times over the years. They were an escape for me during my childhood, at a time when I needed to escape reality. I’ve just ordered a new copy whilst writing this post. I havent read it for 4 years now.

4. Who is your hero and why?

It may be awful to say but I don’t have one. There are many people who I admire, and if I could sit down with a few of them it would include Rupert Spira, Mooji, The Dalai Lame, Nelson Mandela, Oprah Winfrey, Rosa Parks, Harvey Bernard Milk, Maya Angelou and some of my peers who are studying with the Open College of the Arts.

5. Favorite food?

You are all probably aware that I have an eating disorder and that I restrict my calories (slowly going up). However, I eat either a ciabatta with peanut butter or a crusty roll with marmite every night, and have done so for months now.

6. Your reason for blogging?

The Open College of the Arts asks all students to keep a blog to record our studies and submit our assignments. This was my initial reason, but it has grown so much broader than this. I learn a lot from my peers and other creative people. Following peoples blogs helps strengthen and enhance my own creativity. Mostly though, as someone who does not like being around people, WordPress has helped me to develop a personal community in which I feel that I belong and have some value. This is priceless to me.

7.Your favorite movie and why?

This changes. Milk, Rosa Parks Ride to Freedom, The Die Hard series, Transformers, and I am really enjoying Tom Cruise movies. I went off of him for years, but I can’t help but admire his talent and the diversity of his acting.

8. What is your favorite number?

Odd Numbers. I feel safe with odd numbers and double numbers such as 22 or 33. My TV volume is set to 22, and if I open the window I put it up to 33.

9. One thing you have learned about life?

That death would be far preferable. Don’t get me wrong though, I am enjoying life at the moment, and have no intent on ending my life, but I think decades of struggling to live and trying to end my life has an indelible mark on the psyche.

10. What would you say to your younger self?

Life is incredibly hard so get therapy and make the most of it now. It appears to be easier to harm yourself but I promise you that it isn’t.  Do whatever you can to be kind to yourself as often as you can.

11. One thing you’d change about the world and why?

Hmmm, this is difficult. The human race is so messed up. all of our problems are self-created and so entrenched that changing one thing would not make a difference. That leaves me with two options; get rid of people completely or get rid of myself.


The People who I am nominating are:-

Ali from The Mindful Gardener

Andi from Andi Andreas Photography

Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes

Stuart from Something to Stu Over

Stormsie from Life after Divorce

Jennifer from Tar Heel Reader

Anna Maria from Cosas de Una Escritorta

Niki from Under 1000 Skies

DM from Pointless Overthinking

Ravi from Ravi Singh

Your Questions

Due to constraints upon my time I am setting you the same questions that I have been sey.

1. What makes you cry?
2. What gives you joy?
3. What is your favorite book and why?
4. Who is your hero and why?
5. Favorite food?
6. Your reason for blogging?
7.Your favorite movie and why?
8. What is your favorite number?
9. One thing you have learned about life?
10. What would you say to your younger self?
11. One thing you’d change about the world and why?