My Anorexia Recovery And Self Care

My recovery has developed very quickly since August. Initially I was on a weight gain regime, then onto maintenance, and now I’m learning some flexibility.

My nutritionist agreed that I could try a new food this week. We didn’t specify what that should be, but that I could choose it on the day.

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Yesterday I ate at East Street in Rathborne Place, just off of Oxford Street in London. East Street has a menu of many Asian foods. I chose a hot and spicy Thai chicken dish with Jasmine rice. Now that’s the kind of food I want to eat more off. It was delicious. The service was quick, friendly and accommodating (I changed tables because I felt a draft where I initially sat), the food was tasty, and the restaurant was stylish.

I needed some new clothes, and purchased a fab pink jumper and matching pink shirt, pink really suits me, but my real self-care was buying a bath bomb and soap from Lush.

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This was a reward for me having the courage to follow my heart and move to London. The photo of the bath bomb isn’t good, but the bath was. I smell like a fizzy lemon. Truly lush.

It was cold and wet in London yesterday. Not my favourite conditions to be outside in, but there’s always a photographic opportunity if we seek it out.

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Photo Sociology Wishes You Happy Holidays And Happy Christmas

Richard and Action Man would like to wish you all peace and joy. May you be well, may you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering, may you be happy and have the means for happiness, may you live with ease.

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Cork is one of the most beautifully decorated cities that I know. They really go for it with their Christmas decorations.

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Action Man and I took a walk this morning so that we could enjoy the lights.

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Some of the shop window displays are truly wonderful.

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THWEE – Challenge Accepted

Everyday   https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/12/05/the-white-elephant-dec-5/Teresa of the THE HAUNTED WORDSMITH,will be hosting a white elephant party. If you are unfamiliar with what a white elephant party is, it can be summed as a party where people exchange gifts that are meant to be funny (some are serious though, it’s up to the gift giver).THWWE

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How is this going to work? Like this:

Every day I kick the party off by listing three fellow bloggers and the gift I give them. No one is obligated to participate (though if people do, it’ll be more fun). If the gift recipient wants to participate, they will pick three bloggers and give them gifts. And so on until the following day. At that time I will share some of the funnier gifts that people have given or received.

I hope I don’t have to say that real gifts will not be given 🙂

You’ll see what I mean in a moment. In the meantime, if you do choose to accept your gift and join the party, please use THWWE as a tag. Thank you.

On to the party!

Here are the people that I gift and  nominate…

Michelle, from MwsR Writings, I give you still and peaceful waters, and the lil row boat. The small boat is so that you can take time out, time that’s just for you. Rest, breathe, relax.

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Michelle, from From Famine To Feast, I give you the peace that I find in my spiritual home. A place in which there’s no need to think and work things out, a place to just be still with whatever arises. Be still and rest my friend.

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Niki, from Niki Flow, I can never give you the gift that you desire and deserve. I give you, Ben, and your family the gift of love.

Emulating Laura Letinsky

 

Random Act Of Kindness Award

A big thank you to Michelle from Mws R Writngs for nominating me for this award. I’m grateful for your support and the friendship that we have developed.

Choosing who to nominate is quite a challenge to be honest, because I feel that I have been shown so much kindness on WordPress and in life in general. I am also aware that many people who I could nominate do not have the time to accept the award by creating their own response. This is especially true of my peers from OCA, but their kindness, support and critique is valued immensely. So many other bloggers have also supported me with my photography and in relation to my eating disorder.

Em from From Famine To Feast has become a valuable source of support. having an eating disorder is challenging to say the least, and having support from somebody who is in eating disorder recovery is invaluable. Thank you for your kindness Em, I nominate you.

Kindness has been shown to me by so many people in a whole variety of ways over the years, and in writing this post it is nice to remember some of those people. The example that I am going to give is of a very simple and straightforward act of kindness. Kindness doesn’t need to be extravagant. A former work colleague (he didn’t know that I knew it was him) would leave a packet of sweets or fruit on a colleagues work station. He would do so when nobody could see him do it and he would leave a typed “Youve been RAK’ed” with the gift. As for me… I used to buy a pastry on a Friday morning on my way to a meeting. I would leave the change with the staff member in the bakers and ask them to use it to pay for the next person in the queue.

The guidelines for accepting the award are.

1- Tell who you nominate and why.

2= Copy and share the picture that shows the award, posted above.

3- Share  a paragraph of something that impacted your own life in the way of receiving kindness or how you extended kindness to someone else.

For instance, ” I once was waiting in a drive thru line for 20 minutes. I was in a hurry but the line did not move much, it felt like. My day was getting worse by the moment. When I got up to the drive thru window, the cashier said someone had paid for my meal already. That really made my day a lot better.”

4- Nominate anyone or share to your own page. If you so choose to Participate. Tag or pingback to the original person who nominated you, or the original post. https://mwsrwritings.com/2018/07/30/random-acts-of-kindness-award-ka/

Copy the guidelines into your post.

A Successful Day Does Not Have To Feel Good! Thankyou.

Yesterday was a day won. That I won. That we won. Yesterday I succeeded.

Yesterday I felt physically unwell and in distress, and was challenging mentally and emotionally. I went to bed drained and had nightmares that involved me being force fed, binging and people being intensely violent towards me. But yesterday was very much a successful day for me.

Despite my panic around calories and feeling the need to restrict my calories further, along with an obsession about binging, I did neither.

I stuck to the foods and calories that my eating disorder team and I have agreed. This is an achievement considering how I felt.

I was nurtured by my friend P and cousin L, and supported by you, my friends and fellow bloggers. I thankyou all so so much. I can’t express how much being nurtured and supported helped.

This old saying rings true:-

I alone can do it, but I cannot do it alone.

I can make no promises about today. I’ve woken up with the desires to binge and starve, and yet I feel much calmer and more positive, and I feel very grateful that yesterday was a successful day.

I Woke The Old Man Up Early

After drinking lots of water yesterday and sleeping during the day, I didn’t need much sleep last night. I woke Richard up at 4.30 and headed straight to the city, via St Paul’s Cathedral.

IMG_20180817_060930.jpg(I’m back to being the star today.)

From St Paul’s it’s just a short walk to the millennium bridge, which provided me with the opportunity for a few more poses. Richard hates being photographed but I love it.

IMG_20180817_093225.jpg(Millennium Bridge, River Thames, Tate Modern)

IMG_20180817_092256.jpg(River Thames, The Shard, a glimpse of Tower Bridge.)

Sometimes life just walks you into wonderful opportunities and experiences, and this morning has been serendipitous.

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As well as the dancer being photographed, a newly married couple were having their wedding photos made before the chaos of the daily grind.

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After a quick visit to Starbucks (I’m sticking to water), we meandered slowly to the Shard via Borough Market. I found it to be more appealing than the Old Spitalfields Market yesterday.

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The Shard viewing platform doesn’t open until ten, but Richard is meeting his friend Jonathan (going to Tate Modern) who also studies photography with the Open College of the Arts. We’ll go to the viewing platform afterwards and then Richard wants to go to Hobby Craft.

Mental Health Awareness Month

Just because I don’t live in the US doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t nurture myself.

Everyday provides the opportunity to do something that demonstrates kindness and compassion towards myself. How easy it is to demonstrate those qualities towards others, and how challenging to practice self care.

I brought some flowers yesterday as a prop for a photography exercise. They were good enough for the photo shoot as they were laying flat, but they were too limp for a vase.

When I meditated this morning I decided to buy myself a bunch of flowers, however why buy one bunch when you can treat yourself to two.

Neither bunch had the right colour balance on their own, and that’s the reason for getting them both.

When I write my gratitude list tonight it will include – I am grateful that I treated myself kindly today.

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Grief

Anxiety and butterflies danced in my belly first

And was followed shortly by intense longing, yearning, and…

Hope.

There you were, holding hands

Walking just a few paces in front.

I shouted your name and…

You never turned or showed any recognition, such as a missed step or a tension in your shoulders.

For a few seconds I knew you were still here, that you

Had not gone away to “a better place”

Such a FUCKING crass sentence. I hate it. I HATE THOSE WORDS.

There is no better place than being with you. Walking through a scorched and barren desert would be bliss if we walked it together.

What emotions or clear thoughts can I have, when there is the emptiness of your shape that I fill and will not let go of.

I will not let go of you. Never.